3 years after Stephen died I remarried. I was moving forward but was still not convinced that I wanted to stay where I was, doing the same job for the rest of my career. I was in a new relationship but I still felt like I wanted to do something different.
One day I was at a teacher's meeting and someone mentioned that there was an opening at the Youth Correctional Facility. It was teaching incarcerated high school boys in the areas of Language Arts, Social Studies and Health. My ears perked up but more than that my spirit lifted. The idea of totally doing something different from elementary school intrigued me. But on an even deeper level I saw an opportunity to teach in a whole new way, with a whole new focus. It was also the very subjects I was most passionate about. I could actually teach thematically and integrate subjects.
I wrestled with the idea mainly because I was doing good where I was and why would I risk doing something that might not work out. Heck, I might not even get an interview, let alone the job. But as I wrote down the pros and cons something deep inside said, "DO IT!" You might not get the job anyway but if you don't try you will never know.
Some of my friends thought I was crazy because I would go from a school of over 50 adults I interacted with to about 6 teachers and a few other support staff. They thought I would miss the social interaction because I am such a people person. They also thought I would miss the kids because I was one of those teachers who invested in as many kids as I could each day.
There were definitely some financial benefits from this job. I would be teaching year round, 30 more days than my old contract. I wouldn't have summers off but I would be making more money. I also would have better retirement income. I talked it over with Rick and he encouraged me to go for it.
Long story short, I got the job and I can honestly say I LOVE MY JOB! I have been so blessed with this change and I feel I am making a difference in the lives of the boys I teach.
Of course I have days that are hard--there are times when circumstances with my students disappoint me or are painful to hear. I am sad when students leave knowing I probably will never see them again.
But what makes my job so special is that I get an opportunity to make a positive difference in the lives of my boys. I get the privilege of teaching them not just academics, but character qualities that I hope will help them succeed in life after they get out.
I have been able to write and design teaching units that I feel are not just regurgitating facts, but are instilling life lessons that I hope will come to mind when it's time for my boys to reenter society.
I have taught about cancer, death, prejudice, injustice--things I know my boys will deal with in their own lives and subjects I am passionate about.
I read aloud to my boys most every day. Funny books, sad books, adventures, serious subjects. I want my boys to see reading as something of value they can use for the rest of their lives.
I am not sure I would have ever had the opportunity to do this job if Stephen were still alive. I would still be at my old school I'm sure. I guess that's something I have learned through my difficult loss--It was my choice to be bitter or better. I chose to be better. I chose to keep going on even though I didn't really want to.
So if you are reading this my advice to you would be. Find the positive in the negatives of your life. Look for, as someone has said, the "silver lining". There will be times in your life when life doesn't feel very fair, or fun, or bearable.
When Stephen died I was never angry with God. Maybe disappointed a little that Stephen died so young (47). But I had to say not "why me?" but "why not me?" There are no guarantees that life will give you everything you want. Nobody is immune to disappointments or trials. It's what we do with our life in spite of what doesn't seem "fair".
It is funny because the only thing that hurts me is that Stephen will never know what I did after he was gone. Yet, in some spiritual realm, maybe he does know.
My daughter Kadee once said to me, "Dad would be so proud of you mom for what you have gone through and achieved since he died." It meant the world to me to hear that because Stephen was my biggest cheerleader for 28 years, Now, even in his absence, making him proud is always in the back of my mind.
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